it been a while since i write anything in Xanga sometime i wish i was just a friend ... it seems more better ... i think as friend ... we can talk and be closer than as lover ... cause during this relationship ... there so many sad memories to even remember ... or said ... i guess im selfish ... and care for myself ... cause i always want his love ....yet ... in his heart ... his first was really most important and unforgetful .... and i admire it so much ... that so far ... all i have feeling was jealousy ... but now i realize ... there nothing much i can change ... cause im really ignorant and selfish .... though he is not experience and understand little about feminine feelings ... but it nothing ... though ... as a friend ... i was would to him ... if i see that happens ... he should be more caring ... and stay with her ... even though she is sad and not saying anything and just tell him to leaves .... but inside she really want you to stay with her .... cause she needs you at the time more than ever .... hmmm ... if we ever break up .... i would give him more advices ... so next time ... he can be a better boyfriend ... to the person he truly loves .... as for me .... learning about the truth make me feel everything as empty and hollow .... but hey ... what can i do ? ... sometime writing here ... i confuse myself ... and write random things ... and sometime ... cannot express what i truly feels ... want to says ... or whatever .... sometime ... i even say the wrong things ... or the right thing ... it depend on the reader .... maybe one these days ... i actually says everything i want ... let him understands .... if he really loves someone ... and wants in his life .... go for her ... and do not wait ... cause waiting ... can cause broken hearts ... and to misunderstandings .... never knows ... maybe that person still loves you as much as you love her too ... and letting the person knows ... can bring both happiness .... but if you love someone ... loves for who she is ... and not for what she does .... train of thoughts ... jump from one things to another .... so far ... most thing ... i get so jealous .... and jealousy ... cause unhappiness .... unreasonable jealousy ... maybe one day ... we break up and become the best of friends ... and realize that the past ... was just an event that happen .... or maybe .... one day ... the world turn back in time .... and one realize that things going to happen ... is not the best of the event to occur ... tears .... no wonder it salty ... the bitterness show so much sadness in one heart ... but the sadness shows only how the person cry .... cause not all tears are for sadness .... all have different meanings ..... only looking closely and understand it ... can reveal the truth of the feelings .... such a night ..... :( .... :) .... mixed feelings .... happy for what ... sad for what .... understand the words ?? ... maybe ... maybe not ... only depend on the reader ................... | 
